The Seven Rules of Health Care Bureaucracy

Inspired by “The Seven Rules of Bureaucracy” written by Loyd S. Pettegrew and Carol A. Vance. I've adapted these rules to apply to Canadian health-care. These rules should be posted at every health care bureaucracy in the country.




Rule #1: Maintain the problem at all costs! The problem is the basis of power, perks, privileges, and security.

We can't have free market health care! You'd pay more for less! Corporations would take over! Poor people would get sick! The middle class would be indebted beyond conceivable thought! Health Care is a FUNDAMENTAL RIGHT.

Rule #2: Use crisis and perceived crisis to increase your power and control.

Waiting lines? Doctors shortages? Structural problems that need serious inquiries? We caused the problems, so we'll provide the solutions.

Rule 2a. Force 11th-hour decisions, threaten the loss of options and opportunities, and limit the opposition's opportunity to review and critique.

We don't want to make contracts with corporate lobbyists, but the fact is health-care cannot be provided 100% by the state. Our relationship with big-pharma and persecution of medical marijuana is a necessary evil. Trust us.

Rule #3: If there are not enough crises, manufacture them, even from nature, where none exist.

Private clinics! What-are-you, American?! How dare you! An insult to our core Canadian values, whatever they are!

Rule #4: Control the flow and release of information while feigning openness.

What are you talking about?! Waiting lines can benefit patients!

Rule 4a: Deny, delay, obfuscate, spin, and lie.

Trust us, giving the federal government more money and power to provide health-care is the ideal solution. Provincial responsibility? You're a Harper Neo-Federalist. Grassroots community privatization? You Communist.

Rule #5: Maximize public-relations exposure by creating a cover story that appeals to the universal need to help people.

Get CBC on the phone, Alberta is trying to privatize things again. People need to understand that we know best. Only we can help people.

Rule #6: Create vested support groups by distributing concentrated benefits and/or entitlements to these special interests, while distributing the costs broadly to one's political opponents.

The baby boomers are getting old and they've paid into this thing for years. If we don't support them, say goodbye to our career and pension. So keep borrowing from future generations! Ignore those young people. Fairness? Life ain't fair. Fairness ain't a prerequisite for social equality.

Rule #7: Demonize the truth tellers who have the temerity to say, "The emperor has no clothes."

Privatization will create violent-black-bloc-gang-warfare! Austrian Economics? Wasn't Hitler an Austrian?!

Rule 7a: Accuse the truth teller of one's own defects, deficiencies, crimes, and misdemeanors.

Free market health care would cause severe doctor shortages, increased waiting times and bad nutrition advice like “meat is good” and “grains are bad.”