Tuesday, August 2, 2016

10 Idiosyncrasies of Vancouver

Vancouver is the real-life version of Epcot
Having now lived in Vancouver for over two years, I’ve come to notice some peculiars about this city. Here are ten.

10 — The police are lazy

Not that I care, in fact, this is one of the nice things about the city.

While everyone goes on about the North Shore mountains, the Pacific Ocean, or lack of snow, I find comfort in the fact that the police generally don’t give a shit.

Sure, they’ll pull you over for some minor infraction, but for a city with over 100 illegal cannabis dispensaries, it’s clear that the cops are too lazy to enforce all the laws on the books.

Or, more likely, there are too many laws on the books and, thanks to the economic calculation problem, the Vancouver Police Department has trouble allocating compliance.

9 — Fireworks are a big deal

Did you ever watch Parks and Recreation? In it, there is a miniature horse named Li’l Sebastian that the town practically worships.

Ben, a city planner from out of town, just doesn’t understand the community’s fascination with this tiny horse.

This is how I feel about Vancouverites love of fireworks.

I mean, they’re just fireworks. What’s the big deal?

It’s not like every other city on this continent doesn’t have some kind of a fireworks display.

8 — Cold Zone Beer

Unlike Ontario, British Columbia now allows for private liquor establishments. But there still exists the government retailer, “BC Liquor” where you can purchase warm beer right off the shelf.

Except, of course, if the BC Liquor Store is one of the special outlets with a “cold zone.”

Only the government would advertise cold beer as a luxury.

Beer is supposed to be cold.

It’s one thing to sell warm beer, but to advertise “cold zones” at selected retailers where we can buy beer the way it’s supposed to be sold (and with no extra charge!) is downright silly.

Thank God for the private liquor stores.

Beer is supposed to be cold. You wouldn't sell frozen dinners at room temperature, would you?

7 — Unfriendliness

As far Canada goes, Vancouver is by far the unfriendliest city I’d ever lived in.

People don’t make eye contact, they never smile, say hello, they don’t even say “sorry,” (they're more likely to yell at each other).

Maybe this is because of the large homeless population. When every other person on the street is asking for money, you tend to start ignoring everyone around you.

As well, I’m sure this is just a big city thing. But Vancouver does seem a lot colder than Toronto, despite the warmer weather.

6 — Left-Wing Yuppies

Of course, this shouldn’t come as a surprise.

More common than anywhere else in Canada (except maybe Ottawa) are the busybody yuppies.

They drive hybrid cars, consider themselves “progressive” (especially when calling for increased state power), talk about environment sustainability without actually doing anything, and thumb their noses at anyone with different values.

These are the people that support the city’s ban on Uber and overregulation of Air B’n’B.

They call themselves progressives but routinely blame the Chinese for the city’s real estate bubble.

For a great example of this mentality, check out the “Smug Alert!” episode of South Park.

5 — Asian Food is Everywhere

As are Asians.

Sometimes Vancouver feels like an Asian city, but I don’t mind. Ramen is pretty good.

4 — We Built This City on Undermining Cars

This city was not built for cars.

See idiosyncrasy #6, I blame the yuppies.

There are no major highways to get through the city, especially from the airport.

And why not?

Because environmentalists complain any time this is brought up. 

The result? Bumper-to-bumper traffic. An action that causes more pollution than a seamless highway for cars to drive on.

It’s the unintended consequence of statist environmentalism.

Also, the traffic lights never sync up. Especially since pedestrian crosswalks take precedent.

It’s just one mass of cars moving together from one stoplight to the next.

As well, there are bike lanes everywhere and plans to build more by limiting parking spaces and road space.

3 — Sidewalk Etiquette

Perhaps because of its large immigrant population, Vancouver lacks sidewalk etiquette.

Or perhaps it’s just me. I just feel that, like the roads, pedestrian traffic should stick to the right.

This doesn’t happen in Vancouver. People walk on whatever side they want. Some people, in large groups, walk far too slow and in the middle. They make it essentially impossible to get around and have no awareness of the line of people forming behind them.

Stick to the right-hand side. Especially if you’re slow. If you’re in a large group, don’t walk side by side, be mindful of others on the sidewalk.

In fact, let’s just privatize the sidewalks. That’ll fix the unwritten rules of sidewalk etiquette.

2 — Transit Police are Armed and Bylaw Officers Look Like Actual Cops

The transit monopoly in Vancouver has its own police force and they have guns. They’ve been known to shoot and kill people.

As well, the bylaw officers look like actual cops but they only deal with bylaw infractions. It’s ridiculous… er, I mean, “progressive.”

1 — Nobody Follows the Rules

Like any good “progressive” city, there are plenty of rules on what you can’t do.

But nobody listens.

There’s no smoking or drinking at the beach, but very often there are people doing just that. And they don’t bother hiding it.

The smell of cannabis permeates the city.

I don’t know what the hell the bylaw officers do all day, or where they go, because this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Vancouver is a perfect example of the “more laws, less justice” quote.


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